I had fun with the sonnet, so I thought I’d try again. This time I have to write 107 words including:
….I’m exhausted. Shut the door behind you….
Here goes….
He’s making for the door. I don’t blame him, but I was looking forward to this evening so much.
Work was a nightmare today. Then I had to dump everything and rush to collect the kids and Tom had broken his finger so I dragged them all to the hospital, then home for homework and food and stopping them from fighting and they wouldn’t go to bed and I nagged and threatened.
I prepared the meal in a hurry. We ate in silence. I was tired.
And now I can’t keep my eyes open. I’m exhausted. “Shut the door behind you,” I mumble. I think it banged.
April 24, 2012 at 4:28 pm
Another piece where I can almost feel that I am in the room. Has a nice, realistic feel to it.
April 24, 2012 at 4:36 pm
Thank you
April 24, 2012 at 4:49 pm
What an unpleasant day – chasing around everyone, then a silent tension filled meal and then bed, exhausted, and then to have the characters partner passively aggressively slam the door shut. Nice piece.
April 24, 2012 at 5:11 pm
fits well with my first take on this prompt…completely realistic as well. hopefully, she rests deeply…
April 24, 2012 at 5:43 pm
What a truly awful day – hope she has a better one tomorrow.
April 24, 2012 at 8:31 pm
Gosh, day’s like that are awful. Been there done that! You have caught the tone perfectly.
April 25, 2012 at 12:25 am
I love that last line – what a story that tells! There are so many who will associate with the sentiments here. Excellent writing!
April 25, 2012 at 12:31 am
Thanks all
April 25, 2012 at 1:54 am
The sun will come out tomorrow, so hopefully the main character in this story will be well rested enough to greet the day with open arms after such a patience-testing evening.
Cheers!
~Nicole
Blog: The Madlab Post
@MadlabPost on Twitter
April 25, 2012 at 2:07 pm
Like how you uniquely split the prompt so that it said both her thoughts and words. Fine writing.
April 26, 2012 at 9:04 am
Oh heck, been there. Agree with ventahl, splitting the prompt was inspired. Lovely piece.
April 26, 2012 at 9:35 am
Nice piece, I could feel the overwhelming exhaustion of the MC. Well done.
April 27, 2012 at 2:20 am
Was very sympathetic to the main character from the beginning, great momentum building to the end. Last line cinched it!
April 27, 2012 at 2:28 am
The thought of taking all the kids to the hospital, and then still having to go home and do the evening routines makes me shudder. Well done.
April 27, 2012 at 9:42 am
Thank you.
April 27, 2012 at 8:51 pm
Well written and realistic piece. What a day !
April 29, 2012 at 7:06 pm
A great story.
The door shutting with a ‘bang’ spoke volumes.
April 29, 2012 at 9:37 pm
I suppose that’s the key to writing flash fiction – a few words that speak volumes.
April 29, 2012 at 9:42 pm
It’s great to receive so many comments. Thank you, everyone